The Comfort Zone

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I’ve recently realized that I may be too shy for my own good. I can chatter with the best of them one-on-one, but get me in a group of people and I tend to clam up. This is not because I’m snobby or any of those other words, I just don’t have much to say when surrounded by people I don’t really know. Because of this, I don’t really have a group of friends I can call my own. We don’t get together as a group and play games, or have parties or anything like that. I’ve realized that this may not actually be healthy for me, because I end up spending way too much time by myself. I’ve decided to try to make some new friends, and step out of my comfort zone. Will I be successful? I have no idea. I’m not very good at it, so we will see. I’m not even sure how I will begin my new mission, but at least realizing I want to is a step in the right direction.

So what brought me to this realization? The fact that many of my friends have groups that they get together with every week to hang out, and play games and such, and I realized that I was jealous of this. I realized that my social life revolves around my pool teams, but very few of the people I play with on a regular basis I actually hang out with outside of pool. I need my own group of friends, not someone else’s. When I’m at pool, because everyone else has been friends for a long time, they are actual “friends,” and I feel like the interloper. Maybe I will get past this feeling, maybe not. In the meantime, I will be on a mission to make my own friends, and have my own social life that doesn’t revolve around someone else. This mission is long-term, and possibly difficult, but just like my dating saga, I will be triumphant. Wish me luck!

Hugs,

Clover

Sometimes It Takes a Fight

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When you’ve dated someone, you’ve shared an intimacy with him or her that (hopefully) very few others have. You have probably shared hopes and fears, desires and problems. You have even possibly discussed the future. Then it ends, and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. Answer: NOTHING. Whether you ended it, or the other person did, it is not a statement against you personally. This is a struggle that I am currently fighting. When my dating season with Cory ended, I was devestated. It had been going SO well! I was literally left wondering “what’s wrong with me?” While I am still struggling with this question, I am slowly coming to realize the end was inevitible. It doesn’t mean anything was wrong with me, or even him. It simply was.

It ended. I will move on. I will fight and I will win.

My dating saga continues, and I will be triumphant.

But…

Sometimes it takes a fight.

Hugs,
Clover

Sometimes Life Just Stinks

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So things ended with Cory and me, and while we still talk, I’m having trouble finding that part of me that isn’t scared to find someone else. I know exactly what I want, I’m just terrified of getting it. Every time in the past when I thought I’ve found exactly what I want in life, it somehow gets destroyed. I’m currently living in the land of denial, and self-pity. Trying desperately to move past it, because I know I won’t find my life-mate until I do, but it’s very difficult. Anyone who has either been in love, or serious “like,” knows what I’m talking about. I have a friend, who is VERY sweet, and I can definitely see a possible future with him, but I’m TERRIFIED of actually starting anything with him, because what if he does what every other guy in my life has done? What if he leaves, and my heart is in pieces again? I’m so scared that it’s going to happen, that I’m about to make it happen. Self-sabotage is a dangerous game, ladies, so be careful. Don’t do something you’re not ready for, but don’t destroy something before it gets built simply because it may not be “perfect.” That’s the fence that I am currently riding, and it’s hard to balance the two things. I want to fall in love, and I want to get married, and I want to have a family, but at the same time I’m scared of even trying to find those things, because I’ve been hurt so badly in the past. Maybe part of my problem is I go for the guys that I don’t have a future with, because being left is my comfort zone. Maybe what I need to do is leave my comfort zone, and try something that could be potentially dangerous, but also potentially great. Wish me luck!

Thanks for listening.

Clover

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Walt Disney Quote

Open and Honest

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Since I’m starting a new lifestyle change, which has been coming for a long time, I figured being open and honest is important. I love food. I’m addicted to it. The saltier and the fattier the better. I tell myself that fat is good for you, but then I forget that the fat I consume on a daily basis isn’t the “good” kind of fat. The fat I consume is the homogenized, processed crap that couldn’t pass for food even if you stuck a cow in front of it. So this is going to be changing. I will be making a list of things I no longer am allowed to eat, and replacing them with healthy stuff that I WILL be allowed to eat. More fruit and vegetables, more fiber and the occasional treat. The first things to be added to this list? Soda and Fast Food. I’ve gone without eating them before, and felt so much better about myself, especially when I saw numbers dropping off the scale. Especially soda. Soda is probably the worst thing I could put in my body, since it’s a “gateway food” for me. It leads the way to eating all the other crap that no one should ever eat. period.

If you are going on a journey yourself, I wish you the best of luck! Thanks for your good thoughts 🙂

Hugs,

Clover

Me :)

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Me :)

This is me as of recently. I am starting a “healthy” journey, which will include the loss of some of these unwanted pounds. I’m hoping to be able to post updated pictures along the way 🙂 Wish me luck!

What Makes A Woman Sexy?

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Please read this blog post by an amazing author, James. I love this post! he has so many good things to say, but this is the first I’ve actually reblogged. Please read.

What Makes A Woman Sexy?.

hugs,

Clover

Another New Guy

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This one got dropped in my lap…almost literally. I had never heard his name before, despite being in the Billiards scene for quite a while now. His name is M.W. and he’s a SWEETHEART. I recently started a new pool team, of which I am captain. I was very excited about having my own team, and I knew going in that it was going to be work to get it up and running. Well, that turned out to be an understatement. My teammate K.E. worked with me so hard to make sure we had a full roster of 5 people. On this particular sunday, I only had 3 people, one of whom was injured so couldn’t really play. So my league operator stepped up and found me a couple new people, one of whom was M.W. I was really upset the day I met him, but still somehow managed to attract him, because he looked for me on Social Media, and we started talking. I wasn’t really interested in him at first. I’m not completely sure why. Well, first of all, he’s almost the complete opposite of my usual “type,” so I just didn’t really look twice. Until we had been talking a couple weeks, and I realized he is exactly the kind of person I’m always spouting I need in my life.

First of all, HE pursued ME. That was AWESOME. I didn’t have to do any of the work to get him interested. All I had to do was be myself, and he came running. Even being PISSED at our first meeting, and probably not giving the best first impression wasn’t enough to scare him off. Apparently he likes a woman with fire.

Second, He brought up the dating thing. I was comfortable just staying friends, but once he brought up the subject, I let him know exactly what I wanted, and what I expect out of a relationship. To me, this type of communication is KEY. BOTH partners MUST go into a relationship/dating situation knowing exactly what they are in for and what they will most likely be getting. It’s not fair to the other person if you claim to want one thing, but really want something else.

Third, this is EASY!! This is probably the easiest dating thing I’ve ever done. I want easy! Not every situation in every relationship should require work. Even when it is work, I’m under the impression that it shouldn’t feel like it. If your relationship feels like work, you will start to dread it, and then take a vacation, then retire completely. Personally, I look forward to going to work, and I don’t think my relationship should be any different.

I’m taking things slow, and following the advice of a coworker. I’m just going to enjoy this and have fun. I will worry about the future when it rears its ugly head. For now, I’m going to enjoy the easy feeling of being pursued and wooed. Good advice, right? Let me know below what you think.

Hugs,

Clover

New Church, New Beginning

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Well, when I put my dating life on a semi-hold to pursue my relationship with God, I had no clue what a wonderful journey this was going to be. I started at a new church, and I LOVE IT. I had to talk myself into going the first Sunday, because I have a small amount of social anxiety in groups where I don’t know anyone. When I walked in, however, it immediately felt like home. I’ve been there twice, and it feels more like home now than it did in 5 years at my old church. I’m learning and growing in a way I’ve never noticed before.

Something that I do find interesting in this situation is that even though I’ve decided to hold off on a relationship, the universe apparently has other ideas. I met a guy that joined my pool team, and he LIKES me. He’s been so sweet to me since we started talking, and has even asked to come to church with me. He has his own church (a BIG PLUS, believe me!!), but wants to come with me so he won’t be going by himself. Since I don’t particularly like sitting in church by myself either, and I actually like him, I said of course!! So this Sunday will be our first Sunday sitting in church together. I hope it goes well.

This Sunday will continue the series on the focus of my church. Last Sunday was about Prayer. Our body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, and the temple was made for prayer. So we are made for Prayer. We are made for intimate interaction with God. He created us to interact with him on a very personal, intimate level. That’s what prayer is. Prayer is not just asking for stuff, or talking. Prayer is communicating on a level that creates a relationship. Knowing one another so well that talking is not always necessary. This is what we humans were created for.

Here’s to Prayer,

Clover

Controlling My Mouth

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So I’ve been feeling like I should be reading the book of James in the Bible for some time now. I think because it has a lot to say about controlling your mouth and watching what you say. I tell people I have “no filter” like it’s a good thing, when it really isn’t. Being able to say I control what comes out of my mouth sounds like a much better personality trait to me. Rather than telling people “It goes in my brain and out my mouth,” I should be able to tell people, “only good things and uplifting things come out of my mouth.” Now doesn’t that sound better?

Another thing that James talks about is a “double-minded” man. And this, my friends, is where I’m in trouble. I’ve never really known what a double minded man is, so I decided to do a little research. What I’ve found is not heartening. I, my friends, am double-minded. This means to have “two souls.” Basically, at church you would never know I have a potty mouth, and when I’m not in church you would never know I go unless I tell you. This is not a good thing. I made a decision many weeks ago to get back to God, and strengthen my relationship with Him. This includes, but is not limited to, changing how the world views me. If you can’t tell I go to church, or pray every day, or even read my Bible, then how am I supposed to show you a loving, forgiving God? Please join me on this journey to become un-double minded, and find my single mind in the Mind of Christ.

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